First of all, I know we're not supposed to write about what happens, but I have to point out - this story should have been about my hometown. If you don't attempt to go you never will. You'll stay there, get a job, marry someone that grew up right there, next to you. This really helped me understand the structure.
That being said, the way this piece is written is done very well. In the beginning, it's like we get a view of the town from a "behind a moving car window" perspective. Daum takes us on a mental trip down her reality of memory lane, as she uses sentences that don't necessarily stop or continue in the right place. As if she's sitting next to us in the car saying, "Over there is the high school and the other gas stations. There are four more. Oh - there's the food store. The local bar...etc." This is a really awesome concept. When she talks about those who "go" and hearing of them in "bits and pieces" her structure changes to quick bits and pieces. Those who "stay" are described to have longer nights, and the sentence structures seems to last a little longer and flow together. Her writing reflects her descriptions, something I would love to learn to do.
Love it. And I love the personal mixed with the analytical.
ReplyDeleteExcept. I need to see what you're talking about. Quote some of the sentences that stop and start at the wrong places and show your readers what you mean. That's how we're going to learn how to do it!
DW